Inglorious Bulldogs

Some orga­ni­za­tions will do any­thing for pub­lic­ity, and what could be more des­per­ate than a pro­fes­sional lacrosse team launch­ing in Jack­sonville at the begin­ning of the NFL sea­son? So nam­ing Jacksonville’s new pro­fes­sional lacrosse team the Jack­sonville Bul­lies was pos­si­bly some sort of genius pub­lic­ity stunt intended to cre­ate a con­tro­ver­sial buzz.

In case you can’t remem­ber, lacrosse is that game where guys run up and down the field, chas­ing each other with sticks, while search­ing for the Golden Snitch. It’s sort of like hockey, with­out the ice. Sort of like soc­cer, with­out the grace. Com­bine the two and you’ve got “Hocker” although the French-Canadian pro­nun­ci­a­tion of “Lacrosse” sounds much more appeal­ing. Chances are you’ve prob­a­bly seen more fic­tional Harry Pot­ter Quid­ditch matches than actual lacrosse highlights.

The logo and mas­cot for the Jack­sonville Bul­lies is a bull­dog, because your first thought once you hear the word “Bully” is almost cer­tainly either a bull­dog or toi­let bowel cleaner. It’s quite sim­i­lar to how the word “Hoot­ers” some­how always con­jures up images of owls.

Had the league decided to name the team “Uni­corns” or “Man­a­tees” most peo­ple would not have given pro­fes­sional lacrosse another thought. Nam­ing the team the Bul­lies, and thus seem­ing to glo­rify a delin­quent, aggres­sive behav­ior that can have real con­se­quences, cre­ate psy­cho­log­i­cal and phys­i­cal scars and even tragic sui­cides. That seemed to be enough to fire up social media, mak­ing for some neg­a­tively charged pub­lic­ity– in a world where almost any pub­lic­ity is good.

It can be argued that the lacrosse-team-naming con­tro­versy is just polit­i­cal cor­rect­ness run amuck. It has even been sug­gested that the use of the name “Bul­lies” could pro­vide some sort of plat­form for an anti-bullying cam­paign. If that doesn’t sound like horse hockey, (even horse hockey is more pop­u­lar than lacrosse) then here are some other pos­si­ble team names and causes that the North Amer­i­can Lacrosse League should consider:

The Tal­la­has­see Tumors (can­cer research)

The Pen­sacola Per­verts (sex crime awareness)

The Atlanta Anorex­ics (eat­ing disorders)

The Orlando Obese (eat­ing disorders)

The Macon Meth (ille­gal sub­stance abuse)

The Lake­land Lacrosse Team (lacrosse awareness)

Is tim­ing impor­tant in the game of lacrosse? Because with the recent high pro­file cam­paigns against bul­ly­ing, and as tough laws are being enacted around the coun­try against the inten­tional mis­treat­ment of oth­ers, the tim­ing for the Jack­sonville Bul­lies would seem more than a bit off.

Con­grat­u­la­tions Jack­sonville! You’ve finally landed that pro­fes­sional lacrosse team that you didn’t even know you were wait­ing for! Now get out there and get the pub­lic to see them. Be aggres­sive! Threaten to take their lunch money if they don’t show up. Because you wouldn’t want your col­i­seum to resem­ble the stereo­typ­i­cal bully; tall and mas­sive on the out­side, yet com­pletely empty on the inside.


  • No one cares shut up. Maybe the pub­lic of jack­sonville is bet­ter served watch­ing minor pro ath­let­ics, then sit­ting in their homes read­ing some degen­er­ates attempt at being witty and intel­li­gent.. through a blog NICE.

    Mak­ing an impact on your com­mu­nity, one cyn­i­cal blog post at a time.

  • Thanks for read­ing, and tak­ing the time to leave a com­ment Tom. Even if we disagree.

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